you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize