I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
