I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
