i think my tv is drunk
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize