Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Send help, water and tortillas.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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