I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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