So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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