just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Drunk is not a location!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
