I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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