put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize