did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
