I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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