dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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