Got a toothbrush?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
