Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
