i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
