the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
