Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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