I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
