The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
