And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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