Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
