you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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