You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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