I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize