when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
