you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
