Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
