I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
