Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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