Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
