ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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