also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
