Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
