K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
