Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
