Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We were destined to go to rehab together
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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