I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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