Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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