She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
