If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't deserve a penis
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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