Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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