my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
