Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
