i just had sex bonerless
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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