So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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