Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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