Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Let's get the cat blown out
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
