I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
