Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
