do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
