i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
