Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
