I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize