he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
