Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
