I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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