I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
