Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You don't make any sense
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