i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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