You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
