I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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