I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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