im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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