I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
