Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
