Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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